Pink Eye, PLEASE!

Absolutely No Regrets!
Photo Credit: claudiawolff.com

Yep, you read the title correctly. I despised my former job in Investment Banking so intensely that “once upon a time, in a land far far away,” I desperately tried to catch pink-eye to avoid going into the office. Zero regrets and zero f**** given. Well not completely true…. I do regret that it didn’t work!

Let’s backtrack a bit. In 2017 my mother, who had been staying with me at the time, suddenly caught a horrific case of pink-eye which resulted in her Doctor issuing strict orders to stay home from work until cleared. “Stay home from work” for many, is simply an order. However for me, those words sounded like a melodic chime of opportunity that inspired me to IMMEDIATELY devise a sinister plan (wicked laugh and all!).

My mother’s condition started in the morning, then quickly progressed into a viral infection that has since been diagnosed as the rarest of its kind. Armed with the knowledge that she hadn’t yet begun treatment and surmising that the infection was indeed at its strongest, I eagerly, though gingerly poked my fingers into her eye then excitedly jammed them into both of mine. I repeated the process an hour later although this time, I doused my eyes with the soiled tissue that she’d been using to wipe her infected eye. What you might call gross, I called goals! In hindsight, however, this mindset and ensuing behavior was completely reflective of how desperate I was for change but most importantly, how painfully ill-equipped I was at simply creating the very changes that I needed to make in my life… 

After “inoculating” myself, I waited and chanted and chanted and waited, and then… crickets? Meanwhile, my mother grew increasingly worse while the pathetic bastard in me thought “Oh how lucky, you dirty little show-off!” Finally after a bout of self-talk, realization and self-admonishment, I made certain to take quality care of her; I also made certain too, that it involved me missing time away from work. Driving my mother to/from the Doctor allowed me to leave the office early which ultimately granted me time away from hell and more time towards happiness. The freedom of being offsite on a weekday during the early afternoon, was surreal and confirming. I knew then, that I could no longer work a standard 9-5 and that most importantly, I would begin taking the necessary steps to free myself from willful entrapment. A year and a half later, I quit my 19 year career and haven’t looked back since!

While I was unsuccessful in contracting pink-eye (thankfully in retrospect), success wasn’t fully lost. I learned the extent of my mother’s love and of her loyalty to my cause no matter how insane! 99% of the time she calls me out on my behavior and demands correction. This time, however, she knew the extent of my need and simply let me be. I also tapped deeply into my own misery and desperation which lead to a change in careers, ultimately leading to a new and better life for myself – Zero regrets and zero F**** given!

Thank You For Taking A Moment To “Dance” With Me